The Unconscious Quest for Validation

When Saying No Feels Impossible

By Mike Osunkwo

As believers, we often seek validation without even realizing it. We might people-please, overcommit, or prioritize others' expectations over our own needs. But what happens when saying “no” feels impossible? Let's explore how unconscious validation-seeking can impact our lives and find guidance in Scripture.

The People-Pleasing Trap

Many believers struggle to say no due to a deep-seated desire for validation. We might fear rejection, abandonment, or disappointment. However, people-pleasing can lead to burnout, resentment, and compromised values.

Biblical Insights

The Bible encourages us to prioritize God's approval over human validation. In Galatians 1:10, Paul asks, "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God?" This verse reminds us that our primary focus should be on pleasing God, not others. Jesus modelled healthy boundaries in His ministry. He often withdrew from crowds to pray and recharge (Luke 5:16). By prioritizing His relationship with the Father, Jesus demonstrated that saying no to others can be a necessary act of faith.

The Freedom to Say No

Saying no can be liberating! When we prioritize our relationship with God and our own needs, we can:

1.     Set healthy boundaries: Learn to say no without guilt or fear.

2.     Prioritize self-care: Take care of your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

3.     Focus on God's approval: Seek validation from God, rather than people.

Practical Tips

·        Practice self-reflection: Recognize when you're seeking validation from others.

·        Communicate assertively: Express your needs and boundaries clearly.

·        Seek God's guidance: Pray for wisdom and discernment in decision-making.

Conclusion

Unconscious validation-seeking can lead to people-pleasing and burnout. By prioritizing God's approval and setting healthy boundaries, we can find freedom in saying no. Remember, your worth comes from God's love, not others' opinions.

Reflection Questions

1. In what areas of your life are you seeking validation from others?

2. How can you prioritize God's approval in your decision-making?

3. What steps can you take to set healthy boundaries and practice self-care?

Recommended Reading

Galatians 1:10, Luke 5:16, Matthew 10:37-39

By seeking God's validation and prioritizing our relationship with Him, we can live with confidence, purpose, and joy. May God's Word guide you in finding freedom from people-pleasing and validation-seeking.